The chemistry is off the charts. You feel a strong pull towards that special someone, and you’re eager to explore more. At first glance, he or she checks off a lot of your boxes and has everything you want in a partner. But after a date or two, the initial spark dies out and you see them differently.
After those initial encounters, you recognized that you’re not on the same page, and decided to pull the plug on the connection. Sometimes, you choose to ignore that “funny feeling” that told you it didn’t feel right but you dived in anyway, only to experience heartbreak and drama later.
Almost everyone in the dating circuit is familiar with this scenario. It happens to the best of us. It’s easy to fall hard for someone in the initial stages of infatuation, especially if we find them good looking. We can blame those rose-colored glasses on a cognitive bias called the “halo effect.”
The halo effect causes us to subconsciously think that someone we perceive as physically attractive is trustworthy, kind and smarter than they might be. We’re more likely to see them as being an ideal partner and believe that a relationship with them would work out.
Another roadblock is that everyone we date is on their best behavior in the first stages of dating. They’re more likely to show their positive, charming and desirable traits and play down their less attractive ones. What we see in the first few dates is the best version of that person.
That’s why first impressions alone are poor indicators of compatibility—they don’t give you the full picture. Being attracted to a person does not mean you’ll be compatible with him or her. We can be attracted to a lot of people but we’ll be compatible with only a handful.
We get caught up with the vague notion of finding “the one” when what we should be really looking for is someone we’re compatible with. Experts say that it takes both chemistry and compatibility, two entirely different things, to maintain a healthy long-term relationship.
Compatibility is the best indicator that you and your partner can stick together for the long haul, enjoy each other’s company and handle conflicts and challenges in a mature way.
Learning whether or not you’re compatible with someone takes time. You've got to be with them in different situations to get a better sense of their character. But when we date on apps we find ourselves having to choose between multiple matches who seem interesting. How can you tell which one is worth exploring further?
Luckily, there are a number of clear signs that often appear early in your conversations, with your matches that you can look out for. When you know these signs, you’ll recognize when you click with someone. Here are five ways to know if you’re compatible with a match you just met:
When you speak with them, you don’t run out of things to talk about, because you have shared interests and tastes in music, movies, books, TV shows, sports, politics, etc. You both listen to each other, making the other person feel heard and understood. There are no awkward moments of silence where you find yourself struggling to fill the air with small talk. You don’t feel forced to talk about things you aren’t interested in and you’re rarely bored around them.
Relationship coach Sam Owen, says that friendship is the foundation on which the best relationships grow. “When a sense of friendship bonds you and your spouse or partner, there is a meeting of minds that connects you to a powerful feeling,” Owen said. Even if you weren’t romantically interested in them, you would love to hangout with them because they give off a great vibe. You find their quirks and flaws endearing and they affect your fondness for them.
Feeling like you can tell the person you’re dating anything is a good sign. They respect you and put you at ease, making it easier to open up to them and be vulnerable. You feel a sense of home when you’re with them. They show no signs of being judgemental, critical and controlling as you share aspects of your past, your future goals and what matters to you. If you find yourself feeling insecure, self-conscious and worried about looking and sounding a certain way to please the other person, this is a red flag. You should be able to open up and be your true self early on.
Physical attraction is often the main reason we’re pulled toward someone but it’s not the main focus in a compatible match. A good indicator of a compatible match is someone who is genuinely curious. They ask you a lot of questions to find out more about you and your interests, values and preferences. They make an effort to find commonalities you share and understand your differences. Although showing curiosity in the early stages doesn’t guarantee compatibility, it’s an essential trait in the initial stages.
Unlike other dating apps, Say Allo gives you key metrics such as Compatibility indexes that provide an instant snapshot of your compatibility with a match. It asks users the most important questions to assess initial compatibility, focusing on things like religion, income, politics, children, education, marital status and when the last relationship ended. For every match, you get a compatibility score and a full compatibility report on request, allowing you to make informed decisions with each swipe.